Warning Labels You Hope You Never See.
WARNING!: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the
universe, including products of other manufacturers, with a force
proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to
the square of the distance between them.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE!: This product contains minute electrically
charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million
miles per hour.
ADVISORY!: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through
a process known as 'tunneling,' this product may spontaneously disappear
from its present location and reappear at any random place in the
universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not
be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
NOTE!: The most fundamental particles in the product are held together
by a 'gluing' force about which little is currently known and whose
adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION!: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon,
the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of
99.999999999% empty space.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS!: The entire physical universe,
including this product, may one day collapse back into an
infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently
re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be
guaranteed.
WARNING!: This is a 100% matter product. In the unlikely event that
this merchandise should contact anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic
explosion will result."